I spent quite a while in the "self help" section of a large bookstore today. It was interesting to see what was available for relationships. Judging by the frequency of certain topics, one could be forgiven for thinking that relationship dysfunction is as prevalent as any other modern disease. Without meaning to sound too much like a grumpy old man - "it's no wonder". With some of the ordinary (yet politically correct) advice on offer, it's no wonder people don't know about love relationships.
There's lots of acknowledgment that in order to be happy, we need to relate - that's how we're wired. Unfortunately, a lot of books have a "what's in it for me" approach. For instance, some focus on "how to pick the good'uns" (people, that is) and how to avoid the "duds" so that you can "get" the "most" out of your relationship (win/lose). One book claimed to know what women wanted, and what men wanted so the made two lists on the back. Apparently, men want sex and women want power.
Another book quite rightly claimed that the one with the most power in the relationship cares the least for the relationship. I happen to agree with that. Thank goodness not all books would lead you up the garden path.
I would put it to you that having a power monger in a relationship would necessarily turn that relationship into one of slavery - not one of mutual love. I don't think that statement requires explanation. When you love someone, you are keen to synergise with them and you think nothing of giving up control over them to do so. In fact, you do so gladly because you want to be of service to them. Ooooh, bet there are some out there that have alarm bells ringing from that politically incorrect statement. "what!? I'll be no one's servant, I am my own person!" I hear you say emphatically - "no one is the boss of me". Quite right, if you want to be an island - which by prior definition implies inevitable un-happiness.
Love is a verb. It is something you do. It is something you volunteer. It is something you get enthustiastic about volunteering. It is an inter-dependency (not a counter-dependency) that you choose. It is the opposite of power. Love (for one another) and (the desire for) power (over one another) are diametrically opposed to each other. So if you are in a relationship with someone, you need to choose which one it is that you want - love, or power.
You have the power to choose.
Friday, December 22, 2006
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I saw another book called "48 rules of power" or something. It was basically about getting more power than others and having power over others. The book listed all 48 on the back cover.
Just reading through the first ten made my stomach turn because I realised that these behavioral characteristics are behind all the greed and injustice in the world today. It's the reason for the chronic inequity of wealth distribution, and the reason why the planet has a sick environment (to name but two).
The best seller book bragged about being amoral in a way as to give it some credability or legitimacy. Also, parhaps, to connect more fully with it's target market.
For a moment, I though it might be worth reading just to figure out how bad people behave, but then I don't spend any time studying homicide or criminology, so why take an interest in another more profound form of deviancy? That's not to say that such clinical interests are bad (we need people to study this stuff), it's just to say that I lump those things (power behaviors) into the same category.
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